Roaming Otaku

I heard every sound in the world today
except the one I wanted to hear...
The soft spoken one, that can almost be as sarcastic as I am
The reassuring
confident
sweet
bubbly
hurt
damaged
confused voice I grew to love...
Gone...only for a little bit, or maybe forever
it all depends
it all depends
I wish the sound could flow into me once again
but what would that show me?
would it show me what i need to change? No
It most certainly wont...It would keep me happy and let the failure restart
So maybe I need not to hear the sound...Just to appreciate it when it flows into my ears once again.

I've sinned
and it doesn't only affect me
it never does...How selfish I was
maybe still am to think that I don't deserve the inevitable
the love I have outweighs all obstacles
but that's only for me, and of course it would be
I'm the sinner

It's a kick in the ass
the mud in the face
the look of a friend
the voice of reason...just to send it all crashing down
followed by confusion
scared of the future simply because I think I've figured it all out

These things leave you breathless in the worst way
more than a test, this bleeds you to decay
Self-hate is just a by-product, a label for me to peel off and deny
Words aren't something you can rely
on
actions are

And the actions come with consequences.

I've used Tumblr for a while, and it was cool. However, I don't feel like it's personal enough. Brief splatterings of favored media clippings don't let you into my mind that much faster than me actually using this medium as a webjournal. So much has happened to me since my last blogspot post; I'm on a different path in my life now. My current emotion is....blank. Mostly distraught though.
Life is just one big as loop-de-loop, ya know? I'm really ready for my sick-bag and a shovel. I'm losing it now. One event that changed the way i look at life and people happened this weekend. I'm not going to go into any details for the simple fact that the dust hasn't settled yet. Just know this; I walk away the big loser.

I moved. I'm now at dyl.tumblr.com. visit me there.

New Muxtape.

enjoy, if you care.

Paul: What's good with you?
Me: Nothing much man. I'm working at Modell's on Times Square...
Paul: Damn, Cool kid. How come you always get the cool jobs?
Me: I Don't know. I'm just a cool guy.
Paul: Whatever. White people just aren't threatened by you.
Me: WoW. You just said that. I'm throwing that on my fucking blog.

Classic.

Gotta go to Mo's right? Thought so. I have long days there. It fucking sucks. Kinda. The passes pretty quick when I actually have a set task list, but lately, since I'm transferring to another store soon, there hasn't been much for me to do. The associates are great, and so are the customers, it's just that everything happens so slow. I feel like I'm on coke compared to these people.It's OKAY though. I'm just cranky because I'm losing my downtime, and that's something I cherish. I miss my boys. Ok, I'm done.

Peace Out.

I'm thinking of moving over to Tumblr-land. It seems simpler. I dunno. This blog spot has been acting up for a while. It just freezes for no reason on me. I'm extra bored. Not that tired, but I've started this thing where I wake up at the same time every day, but go to sleep only when I'm extra tired. Sounds simple, right? Why didn't you think of it then? Huh? JUNO soundtrack is a must. So is Lupe Fiasco's The Cool. If you're bored, Why not check out my Muxtape? OK. I'm Done.

Peace out.

This video is from 2.2.08 @ J&R music world, where Lupe was signing "The Cool." I was so hype I had to document some of it. I think you can actually see my gleaming pearly whites; a sign of my fandom. Quincey makes a guest appearance as "guy who thinks I'm taking a pic until i tell him it's recording." There was another dude there(aka Dude I told to shush) and he was being kinda annoying. "James," if thats your real name. And, finally, I've met another Dylan-lemme rephrase- another Dylan that is in my age group and is not white. Good Times.

I have no idea where to begin this one. February 2nd, 2008 has been one of the best days in my life. I am very grateful for this experience. Lupe was the best, and he had some great people around him as well. If you haven't listened to any of his albums, you're doing yourself a great disservice. I cannot thank my friend Quincey enough for buying the tickets, because i wouldn't have. It all started around 3 o'clock, when he was in J&R Music world, signing his new album. When I got up there, I was speechless. I tried to remain calm, so I told him that I brought with me a copy of "1984" for him to sign. He couldn't do it however, because the policy was that he was only signing copies of "The Cool." He was really cool about it too; he told me that he'd be doing more promos in NYC and that he'd be around to sign it for me. Is whole presence was humble. He seems like the type of dude that you'd hang out with just because you know you're in for an adventure. He wasn't vain or anything, just confident.
I was so excited when we got into the theater and found great standing spots. The warm-ups took forever, but when they were over, a rush of enjoyment filled me. Needless to say, Lupe put on an amazing performance, talking to the crowd between songs. He took us on a nostalgic voyage through his muscial resume. He opened with "Real" and breezed through more "Food & Liqour" songs. One benchmark for the night was when he performed "The Cool." He actually went over to where me and Quincey were standing and rapped along with us! I was estatic. When i flubbed on the lyrics, he laughed and continued on. I figured he did that because he remembered Quincey and I from the signing at J&R. maybe, maybe not.
Before I knew it, the night was coming to an end. I didn't want it to be over, but i soon realized that it had been a fantastic show altogether, from Lupe to Gemstones to Matthew Santos back to Lupe(speaking of Matthew Santos, he has a great song called "Shadows in a Shoebox"). Another standout part of the concert was Nikki Jean. I've had a crush on her since her overjoyed breakdown in her car during "Hip-Hop saved my Life." She is an overall genuine, well spoken individual. For that reason alone(not the fact that she is beaming with Beauty) I have a crush on her.
the last song of the night was "Superstar." The band played with everything they had, and you could just feel all of the positive energy from everyone on stage. The whole FnF crew was on stage to perform that song and they nailed it. It felt like they were at a party, no worries, as carefree as they wanted to be, and I was along for the ride. As Lupe exited the stage with everyone else, he threw his gold watch into the stage, making some lucky person's night even more meaningful. When I got home, I still couldn't believe how awesome of an experience the day was.
I slept like a baby.

I really really really enjoy watching this video. I feel like this remix is deeper than the original. Kudos to Colin Munroe.

It's been a while, huh? that's because i don't have internet on my comp. These words are being typed from my moms place. Since last time, I left school-scratch that- I got DQ'ed. Being in Oswego, I feel, wasn't really letting me be "Me." I wasn't putting my education first when i was there, which is a death wish. I started straying from the path as well as the expectations of my family. I lowered my standards, lost a plan, and had too much fun. Now, it's time to grow. I can say all the positive things in the world to motivate myself, but it'll all be looked at and cliched bullsh*t, so i'm not. I know what I have to do. Since i've been back and let everyone know of my status, i have felt so much better about myself. An immense weight just fell off of me; I'm sure it was the fear of telling everyone that I wasn't doing as well as they had thought. However, I brought all of my shit to the forefront and let it all out. Now I feel like there is nothing to fear. Nothing. I don't owe anyone anything and that's how i intend to keep it. Of course there are goals that I'd like to have accomplished. It's time to start getting on those.

I saw this on the Internet, And I'm sure this was taken decades ago. And still, there has been not much of a change. Sure, Hip-hop came along and skyrocketed average scag-peddlers' lives, but what about everyone else? When does it become more than just dealing with the "devil" keeping you down? When does the anger and hate turn into motivation and independence? I hope to see it in my lifetime...

So...

I went outside the other night for a smoke, just to clear my head. As i was out there, a taxi cab pulled up next to me and parked. After about a minute i look over into the driver's seat, and we make eye contact. He is also smoking. We nodded to acknowledge each other's presence and turned away respectively. I chuckle to myself because i figure the people that called the cab were too drunk to even remember it was waiting for them. And that's when it hit me.

As I was staring into the darkness ahead of me, I began thinking. We must all be waiting for something. Whether it's The Cabbie, waiting for the customers for that couple of bucks to fill the tank, or a simple college student, trying to make his own waves in his life. Maybe even the most tenacious, ambitious, most figured- out guy is still waiting; even though his motto is "if not you, then who?"

Staying with each deep inhale justified my theory, because the cabbie didn't give up on his callers. I think that the cabbie had it all figured out as well. He was just comfortable with not knowing. As I turned to go back inside after the filter burned my lips, I turn to the Cabbie...and just wave. He smiles, nods, waves...and Stays. Waiting for his backseat riders.

No no no no no. There were tons of blog ideas swimming around in my cranium. Then I stumbled upon this little diddy. I could go on about the Pros and Cons about how he is going to make so much money off of this and probably become some sort of philanthropist, or how the sell-out train hit him harder than rappers plugging McDonald's. There was so much to say, I was left speechless. Just watch and you'll see exactly the emotions I went through.


Peace Out.

P.S. I just pray that this is a parody/ruse, because if it is, it is what society needs to see so they can stop going "Ga-Ga" over frivolous things.

I just felt like giving this blog that title. Just because. Sue me. It's been some time between blogs, and I feel like its justly so. I've been on hiatus because I've been a little depressed. I think I miss home and I've been coming down hard on myself. I fell into this trap after constantly hearing about being consistent with my work and setting goals and having a plan for myself. It's like forgetting to learn how to ride a bike. Better yet, it's like choosing not to get on the bike, and blaming the bike for you not being able to ride it. In not being productive, i grew sick of myself and was placed in a deeper hole of not wanting to do anything about it. Then I talked to my lovely girlfriend.
Me, not being the ignorant person that I am, realized what i was doing to myself and picked up the phone. I vented my emotions to her, and it was such a relief because I just needed someone to listen. I also needed someone to snap me out of this co-dependency thing I've been going through for so long(since I started college). It was also reaffirming to know that she was always in my corner. We then re-evaluated my habits and assessed accordingly.
Now, today was the day my "action plan" came to fruition. I avoided the "idiot Boxes" all day, and I actually finished a book that I've wanted to finish for months now(The dark tower series by Stephen King; It's better than most action movies). I got some extra credit done for this class that I dread going to. I worked out, which I had been going strong with doing for a while until i fell off the wagon. After doing these things, I never want to stop. A wise man once told me that the best way to crush anxiety is to just do "it." Why waste time? Time flies when you're actually doing shit. I feel more optimistic now.
Well, that's all for now, nothing I can think of to write about. I still haven't gotten as deep as I do in my physical journal notebook, but hey, anything goes. time to get ready for bed, I'm f-ing tired...

Peace Out.

P.S., Next Blog is definitely going to be about Tila Tequila.